Share your grief with friends and a drink
Funerals memorialize the passing of a loved one. 

Emotions and memories dominate the day.  We all recognize that life is too short - a funeral ceremony signals End-Of-Game; a sobering occasion - or has been until now.

Despite the intention of many funerals to be a "celebration of life", most emphasize death and its permanence.  Often, attendees are obliged to view the chemically prepared remains of a loved one, colleague or friend, lying prone, under artificial lighting, much like meat is displayed inside the glass counters of upscale delicatessens.  All too often, those closest to the deceased must stand for hours at the coffin to greet visitors who have come to pay their respects.

We propose an alternative - celebrations should be held at bars!  Share food, drink, music and stories to memorialize the dearly departed.  Comfortable seating and lighting help relax the mind and body and the comfort of friends uplifts the spirit of the bereaved.  Conversations - not speeches! 

Wouldn't the deceased prefer a toast?

Last Call Funerals puts a new spin on a venerable but increasingly irrelevant tradition that connects closure with the purchase of a casket.  We recommend that you trade a thousand dollars worth of embalming for a couple rounds of drinks and appetizers for 50 or more of the Great Goner's friends and relatives!

Our idea is just getting off the ground (if you'll forgive the expression :)  We are not presently offering funeral services, arrangements, products or counseling.  If you are interested in contacting us, email:

Last Call Funerals franchises may become available in local markets.

You Want a Physicist to Speak @ Your Funeral

You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly.